Dark Place
by Fat Puppy
Summary: Sam comes to terms with his depression and hopes Dean will understand. Takes place in the second half of Season 13.


**Title** : Dark Place

 **Fandom** : Supernatural

 **Summary** : Sam comes to terms with his depression and hopes Dean will understand. Takes place in the second half of Season 13.

* * *

Dean found his brother in the doorway to his bedroom. Silent. Staring. Shoulders in slump. Those deep, steadying breaths were a Herculean effort.

"Sammy." Dean said softly.

Sam's head dropped forward at the sound of the familiar voice. The one person he thought he needed space from, yet the one person he needed near.

Gesture not unseen, Dean persisted, though gently.

"Hey. Come'ere."

A hand placed on his little brother's arm then pulling him into a hug. Sam's head buried into Dean's shoulder; a muffled sob escaping. His eyes shut hard as his brother continued, with arms tightening hard around him.

And then after, Sam felt Dean's hands go to either side of his face. Trusted eyes boring into his own.

"Sammy, what you're goin' through. I can't pretend to completely understand it, but I'm here. Whatever you need or don't need, you let me know. Until then and after, I'm here. Okay?"

Watery eyes as Sam clung to Dean's words. Dean knew. Dean had seen. The internet searches. The webpages left open. All done on purpose so that Sam didn't have admit, out loud, his weakness...his failure. Or what he perceived as such.

Depression.

On some level, it had grabbed him two months ago and hadn't let go. Dean called it a 'dark place', but it was so much more than that. It was pit from which he couldn't escape. That slimmer of light he used to see and cling to, had vanished into this black hole he was trapped in now. Added to that, the uncertainty and anxiety he'd carried in the worry at how Dean would react.

But now? Now those worries about his brother's reaction evaporated as he nodded in Dean's hands, sniffing hard to avoid total breakdown. Another hug happened then, and Dean's hand cupped around Sam's head.

"I mean it, brother. I'm here. For whatever."

Unable to find voice, Sam nodded again as Dean released him.

"If you're up for breakfast, I'll see you in the mornin'. If not, that's okay. I won't crowd you. Come get me if you need me, Sammy."

Sam's lips pursed in a faint smile, accepting his big brother's outright acceptance of it all.

There were times over the years when Dean's initial reaction to situations surprised him. There were also times when it didn't. This was one of those surprised times. And yes, surprised or not, Sam felt nothing but love from the one person from which he needed it the most.

Dean began walking away, then turned and smiled affectionally at the little brother he'd raised and protected all his life. The words that followed were filled with the same affection.

"Night, little brother. I'm here."

Sleeping the night and most of the the next morning, when Sam did wake and make his way into the kitchen, there was none of the usual ragging that would've normally come with one of the brother's sleeping half the day away. There was no annoyance at his lack of appetite. There was just his big brother. There. It's what Sam wanted. What he needed. Just someone to give him space, accept his struggle. Someone to be there when things were at their worst.

Walking over to Dean, Sam was still exhausted and worn, but there was something he needed. Something to help him make it through the long day ahead.

Without words, he tucked his big brother into a hug. Dean stayed quiet wrapped in his little brother's arms. He'd told Sam he'd be there. And he was. At rock bottom, Sam reached out to him. Dean was there.

Embrace released, Sam ran hands through his bed-hair and said, "Hey, I was thinking...can we take a walk? The park on the other side of town, maybe. The one with the creek. It's quiet there."

"We can. You sure you want me along?"

Sam shook his head. "I _need_ you along."

Dean smiled. "You got it, Sammy."

The ride was silent. The walk was silent. As were the three hours spent sitting creekside.

At Sam's side, Dean stayed. Quiet and comfortable. And as the hours passed, Sam began to feel differently, a relaxation taking over that he hadn't felt in months. Maybe...just maybe he could do this. Defeat his darkness. Crawl out of the claws of this depression; this monster. Maybe. Hour by hour. Day by day.

"Hey, Dean?" Sam said, breaking the comfortable silence.

"Here, Sam."

"Can we go home now?"

Sam closed his eyes in relief when Dean put an arm around him.

"We can, if you're ready."

"I am. I really needed this today."

"We can afford to take some time, Sam."

"We can't. Not really. Mom and Jack and..."

"You first, Sammy," Dean said firmly. "You come first. You _always_ come first. Let's go home."

Acceptance. Purpose. Devotion. Love. No matter what.

And at that moment of his brother's words, Sam knew he'd be okay.

* * *

The end.


End file.
